Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
