shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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