i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
