no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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