How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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