i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
