I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
