honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
