i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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