I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
