Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
