Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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