and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
