Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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