we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
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God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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