somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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