Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
