tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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