tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
