my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
