I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
