So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
did i just pee glitter
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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