just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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