how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
