hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
