Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I understand Curling. That high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
