she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
