did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
