you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
