Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
