well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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