We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
