if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
