Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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