If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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