Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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