She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
