Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm really busy with my period
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