Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
