Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
