There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
