I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
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He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock