Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
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You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.