his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there