and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.