My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?