Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.