I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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