i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
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i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.