I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize