I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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