people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize