next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How does one acquire holy water?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
