If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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