So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
