WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
