i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
