I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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