i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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