just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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