As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
